Act Your Age

There is an old saying that creates quite a controversy. You know, the one that gets thrown around when the 18-year-old-child-almost-adult-adolescent decides to do something inappropriate and the responsible parent yells, “Act your age!”

How does one act their age? At 18, teens are still not sure where they fit in. Like “tweenies” – who are between childhood and teen years - 18-year-olds are at a crossroads. Do they act like a respectable adult, or can they still make noises that similar to that of flatulence?

Telling an 18-year-old to act their age does not seem like wise advice. I have known a lot of 18-year-olds and they are not the most qualified role models around. True, there are very mature and very immature 18-year-olds. So what would the in-between be? Just “ture”? Either case, the 18-year-old is not acting their age.

I think one solution would be to rephrase this old adage and instead say something like: “Act your age if your age was somewhere between 40 through 50!” But again, this might not be wise. 40 to 50 can mean menopause (sorry fellas) to osteoporosis. And what teenager wants to go on a date with the libido of a 50 year old?

One rendition of this saying is “act your age and not your shoe size.” This provides specificity to exactly which age the teen should not copy. So teens wearing size 8 Nike’s, should not act 8-years-old. Nine is ok, however. See the problem? Another issue comes into play when the 18-year-old is wearing Birkenstocks, a company that uses the metric system. So you may inadvertently be telling your teen to not act like a 41-year-old; menopausal and achy.

The best solution seems to be this: Parents, anytime you believe your child is not “acting their age” or is “acting their (U.S) shoe size”, I think you should simply take said shoe, and whack them over the head with it. This sends a very clear message: Stop acting like that this instant or you will nott make it to your next birthday OR shoe size.

I have often been told to act my age and not my shoe size (which in shoe-years is 6-and-a-half). And I think the time has come for me to grow up a bit. I will no longer act my shoe size. Instead, I think I will act my bra size: 36B. 36 is a good age. A little more mature than a 6-and-a-half-year-old and quite a few years away from menopause and osteoporosis meaning great libido. Do the math.